The Battle of the Sexes

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.



How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?
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How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

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How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
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What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

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What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot has been spotted several times.

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What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

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When would you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.

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Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

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Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

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What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

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How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

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How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

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