More Lawyer Jokes

I did a vanity search for my blog and see it is on a lawyer joke reference so I must accomodate them. So here are a few more I found on the net, though I actually admire a good lawyer - who doesn't like someone who uses words.

Q. How do you know when your divorce is getting ugly?
A. When your lawyer doesn't seem like a bloodsucking leech anymore.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A. The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
A2. Vultures can't take their wing tips off.

Q. How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Q. Why did God invent lawyers?
A. So that realtors would have someone to look down on.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

Prosecutor asks the defendant, "Did you kill the victim?"
"No, I did not."
"Do you know what the penalty is for perjury?"
Damn right, and it's a hell of a lot better than the one for murder!"


A lawyer walks into his client's cell on death row and says,
"I've got good news and bad news for you."
Client says, "Okay, What's the bad news?"
"The bad news is that the governor won't issue a stay of execution."
"Thats awful. What could possibly be the good news?"
"The good news is that I got your voltage reduced."