Letter of application
Dear Board of Directors:
Please consider me an applicant for the position of CEO. I think I have all the qualification you are looking for in this position.
My philosophy is that a viable business (huge profit) is dependent on prudent expenditures (cheap labor and shoddy materials) and competitive pricing (collusion and price fixing). I feel that an optimal business location (offshore headquarters), a current knowledge of tax laws (written specifically for your business in exchange for major campaign funds), a modern consumer product (planned obsolescence) and a strong American work ethic (African slave, Chinese factory worker, creative accountant) is what makes a business a success. I have devoted my life to public service as a legislator(got rich through kickbacks and incidentally lost election) and I am now anxious to contribute to the private sector (for really big money and so I can call in favors). If you are interested in an interview, please send a Lear jet to my personal airfield and don't run over my Mexican gardener who is hand-picking ants off the runway. Sincerely, F. Sanity
Please consider me an applicant for the position of CEO. I think I have all the qualification you are looking for in this position.
My philosophy is that a viable business (huge profit) is dependent on prudent expenditures (cheap labor and shoddy materials) and competitive pricing (collusion and price fixing). I feel that an optimal business location (offshore headquarters), a current knowledge of tax laws (written specifically for your business in exchange for major campaign funds), a modern consumer product (planned obsolescence) and a strong American work ethic (African slave, Chinese factory worker, creative accountant) is what makes a business a success. I have devoted my life to public service as a legislator(got rich through kickbacks and incidentally lost election) and I am now anxious to contribute to the private sector (for really big money and so I can call in favors). If you are interested in an interview, please send a Lear jet to my personal airfield and don't run over my Mexican gardener who is hand-picking ants off the runway. Sincerely, F. Sanity
posted by Flimsy Sanity @ 9:48 AM
5 Comments:
At 4:11 PM,
Peacechick Mary said…
Brilliant, Flimsy. You forgot the easy access to prostitutes, tho.
At 7:04 PM,
Anonymous said…
I've got a spare stamp when you're ready to mail it.
At 7:25 PM,
Anonymous said…
Leave out the parts in parenthesis, and you'll get a sackload of positive responses.
At 5:26 AM,
United We Lay said…
I'll write you a letter of reccommendation.
At 5:36 AM,
Flimsy Sanity said…
PC Mary: I thought I wouldn't mention the perks like backdating stock options until I got the job.
OPoob: Damn do I miss the franking privilege - helped me defeat the upstarts in elections.
RJ: Actually the parenthesis are the parts that would make me attractive to them - the rest is the bullshit.
United: Make sure you mention that I am ruthless while appearing benign - they want that magic show.
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