Family Values written after Columbine

Whenever a mentally ill person commits a crime, editorials spring up encouraging institutionalization of the mentally ill people because of their threat to society's safety. Since my onset of mental illness, I have met many other mentally ill people and without exception they are fearful people who have been hurt and instead of lashing out, have turned their terror and hate against themselves. I trust the mentally ill much more than the general population for all they seek in vain is an apology from their personal bully, but bullies never admit they are wrong-the always say, "you brought it on yourself."

Everyone has an opinion on school violence and no one knows the cure, but no one asks us nuts who were many times the loners. I watched a psychiatrist on Oprah say we must teach boys to cry so they can be better victims - be more like girls who know how to turn pain in on themselves. I listened to a senator talk about the need for more laws against movies and music that glorify violence as the best way to prevent more school horrors like Littleton. I listened to a TV evangelist say the problem is public schools and the lack of Bible based values. Every time we have a disaster, the authorities all say the price of liberty is to give up more of our freedoms. Usually the conservatives ask for more censorship of the Internet, music, books or movies, the liberals ask for more controls on gun ownership, the religious tell us they know the one right way to think, and the psycho authorities tell us that adjusting is just having the right chemical balance, the proper dulling medication that stops thinking.

Everyone says we must fear the loners for herd instinct is natural in humans. The pressure to conform is enormous to teenagers who live in a Lord of the Flies hell. To witness the phenomenon, walk the halls of your high school and tell me you don't find the uniformity spooky. You too will feel like you have entered a cult or a military installation because everyone dresses the same, combs their hair the same and talks in the same cliches. Naturally, any independent thinker, anyone who doesn't dress regulation, anyone who maintains a free identity will be made into an outcast, sentenced by their peers to relentless ridicule. Classmates create a prison without walls and concur, "We have judged you and find you unfit for our society"

I criticize the teachers who tacitly agreed with the cruel majority and let the small, lonely child stand at the edge of the playground day after day and never championed that student as a class lesson on freedom - explained that everyone in a democracy has the RIGHT to be an individual and everyone has the obligation to respect the rights of the minorities. I criticize the teacher who never takes the bullies to counseling. Does that teacher ever try to prevent pain by having her students pick sides out of a hat rather than let the same child face rejection the the playground by always being picked last?

I denounce the parents who contributed to the conformity by buying the overpriced sneakers or shirt with the proper logo and who by their own actions agree with their children that fitting in is everything - that the right street address, the right car, the right job, the most popular church is the same as a personality. The parent who doesn't stop the "gimme" whine by saying, "I want a son/daughter who thinks for herself." The proper parents who would stop a racist joke, but who would allow prejudice against a classmate because you have to go along to get along.

Last, but not least, I regretfully blame the helpless parents of the outcasts who didn't make a sacrifice. Two of my heroes are the mother and father formerly from North Dakota who gave up their good jobs and a nice home and moved to another state rather than let their normal looking son be called "Dumbo" and be harassed about his ears every day by the whole school. The parents - after doing everything possible - appealing to the school board, the newspaper, lawyers, the ACLU - begging every institution sworn to uphold democracy - just moved rather than let their child endure torture. Talk about your "family values."